I just had some lunch and went to the fridge to get a quarter of a durian mooncake from Goodwood Park. As I was squarting down to put back the box of mooncakes, I stand up and my head hit right onto the door of the freezer. Apparently my sis was behind me as she open the freezer to get some ice. It really hurt and she nv say anything at all. She just kept quiet and it was so pain and the knock was so loud. I exclaimed that she never said sorry and I blurted a loud vulgar. I understand if she overlook on the part of cautioning me that she was opening the freezer door above my head but isn't saying sorry the first thing to do? I just can't believe it. No one was there to help or ask what happened. My mum was being sarcastic too and directed at me scolding vulgar. Talk about family. You know I don't speak vulgar all the time, only at a heat of the moment. For awhile, I thought I was gonna survive the pain, but as I sat down to play my piano, the pain seems to be coming back. I'm sure it will go away after awhile, but I'm upset. That explains why I'm posting right now. They probably think I'm being dramatic or that being the hot tempered me, this incident triggered my temper. Then again, little things they do, they both make it such a big deal and keep reminding you that they got hurt. It start out as sympathy then it just turn into annoyance. When my face revealed that boring expression (which I can't much even if I try not to), they will say that I do not care for them. Ok, so maybe that's the reason they did not bother much about me just now. But who goes on forever telling others about them being hurt?? It doesn't seem right to me.
I've been wanting to make a post recently. I got so distracted. I had problems with my team mates for school assignments. Sending their parts to me at the last minute, one of them did not keep to the word limit (which was terrible), plus she did not answer the question at all even when she had so much to say. Her answers were literally re-telling the whole case and no solutions or proposition was made - it's equivalent to no answers at all. I had to edit the whole thing because it was last minute. I even smsed her questioning why she never keep to the word limit and told her I will be editing. I managed to submit just right before deadline and decided to log in to my inbox again. I realized she sent me an amended copy which was too late because I've submitted. Plus, she did not even msg me that she can do the amendment. C'mon, seriously. Was it that difficult? So I've come to consensus with my colleague that I was not at fault. I even send a copy of her work to the teacher. After all, I felt torn editing if not, deleting my group mates work and re-doing it. I wanted some advice from the teacher. However, I don't think the teacher has replied me. I have to admit I did not do a great job for her question because it was last minute but definitely there was an attempt to answer it.
There's another project which got me stuck as I was suppose to attempt the last question. I did not attend lessons recently so I had to check in with my group mates if they have attempted their questions. No one wants to reply. -.- So I called asking for the tips teacher has given (I did went for the class when tips were given) because one of them took pictures of the slides and promise to send to us. However, it's been more than 2 weeks and I still did not receive it when I did reminded her. I called her up and she said she emailed to the wrong address. Fine. She say she will email me the slides yesterday night and also her answers today. I log on to see if she sent me the slides today. No. She did not. I wonder if you can feel my frustration and disappointment now as you're reading this. I may be cranky, and yes, this is part of working together as a group. Most people like me who are studying and working on projects may face this. But, you're working, I'm working, we both have other commitments, we both have to submit our projects together on time.. Is it that hard?
On top of that, I'll be having my piano exams in 2 weeks time. Frankly, I'm nervous and not prepared. Then again, I know I have to go for it and I can't chicken out this time. However, the stress level is there. Also I need to go for a short run with my colleagues next weekend which I'm not really interested to go. I would prefer one less thing on my mind, ya know? However, my colleague keeps encouraging me to go. For now, I can't promise her, but I wish I can join them.
By the time this period is over, things should be better. Although I'll be getting ready for Pansy's big day. Getting the right dress, practising for the recital at her wedding, and getting mentally prepared to wake up early (really very early) on the day.
Two months ago, I remembered I was still able to recall what were my new year resolutions. I also remembered telling myself that I will have to achieve it within the second half of the year. Now, one and a half year is almost gone, I suddenly can't remember what were my resolutions (i hope it's not because of the bump on my head) and somehow I know I have not achieve it.
I am asking myself now, am I doing what I love? I used to believe that, even if I am not doing what I love, I can do well in anything that I put my heart into it. And as time goes by, the heart becomes a robot, you really need something special occasionally to keep you going and restart that engine. I wonder now (as I've lost that feeling) if passion keeps you going. Passion naturally comes from doing something you love. Does my passion exist in where I am today, in the things I do? If not, what changes can I make, how much changes has to be made and what are the changes that will make a difference?
I keep this post here and this shall be an evaluation of this last quarter and also to start exploring opportunities and planning for my future.
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